Friday, January 23, 2009

Jen has officially entered "The Dork Zone"


Jen and I, as well as a number of the readers of double R, have a friend named Andy who's affectionately referred to as "Dork". That's him over to the right. Among the many things Dork has become known for, chief among them is his reluctance to spend his dinero. Take every cheapskate stereotype you know, Dorkus Maximus fits the bill. When it comes to cheapness, this guy is the grand poobah.
HOWEVER - not even Dork has taken his "thriftiness" to the level of one Jennifer Rose Lilley. Jen is currently running a scheme on her lovely neighborhood Kroger that pales only in comparison to Bernie Madoff. Like many of us, Jen peruses the Sunday paper to clip coupons. Unlike the rest of us, she clips out every single coupon even if she doesn't usually purchase the eligible product. She then hops in her swanky little Jetta, rolls over to Kroger and does the deed.
She loads her cart up with goodies, then hits the checkout lane. I imagine she intentionally picks the lane with the nerdy high school kid running the register. They ring her up, and then phase 1 begins. Jen hands over a fist full of coupons and Poindexter gets to scanning. Only, the coupon for deodorant, cat litter and laundry detergent doesn't want to scan. Perhaps its because she hasn't actually purchased these items. This is when phase 2 begins. This is part of the scheme that remains shrouded in mystery. I'm not sure if she plays the 'stubborn hardass' or the 'innocent victim with puppydog eyes' role, but someway somehow Jen gets Poindexter to override the system and apply the coupon to her order. Phase 3 commences as she struts back to the Jetta, having just gamed Kroger and the manufacturer of the coupon(s) out of some hard earned cash.
Is her scheme "right" or morally correct? Absolutely NOT. Am I jealous the foreigners are Meijer would never fall for the same trick? You betcha.
So did this story really shake me to the core? Naw, but it got you to come back and read. You were probably going to do that anyway, though. Have a good weekend all.

11 comments:

heather d said...

tsk tsk jennifer, tsk tsk.

Jen Lilley said...

hahahahaha. The Dork Zone. Ouch..

The real secret to this scheme is to casually chat with them while they're scanning...make them feel like you are friends...then once all the groceries are already bagged and in the cart....you hit them with the coupons. (example: last night I'm pretty sure the girl was on to me, but due to the repertoire we had built before handing her the coupons, she let it slide)

While I agree that it might seem like a shady practice, I like to think of it like at some point this week SOMEONE bought that product and didnt use the coupon...so really. it all evens out in the end..... right?

Rob said...

How are Jen and I wrong in this situation? After maneuvering the congested isles we don’t always remember if we bought the Dole bag of salad or the Kroger kind. We then wait in line for 15 minutes and then overload the conveyor belt with all the groceries. After all the groceries are scanned and placed in our environmentally friendly bags we present the coupons to the cashier. This is of course after complaining about how expensive everything was and me giving the bagger a hard time for not packing the items correctly. Come on guys, the heavy stuff goes on the bottom. Anyways, the cashier scans the coupons and sometimes they are rejected. Regardless of why some coupons are rejected, the cashier overrides the system and gives us our discount. So who is at fault there? Us or the cashier?

Marybeth said...

I've done the EXACT same thing at the Eastgate Meijer...Jen you're not alone. I had a $40 off coupon for some pharmacy gadget (That I don't need!) in with all my coupons and didn't realize that they actually gave me $40 off my groceries until I got home and looked at the receipt. So the "foreigners at Meijer" WILL fall for this. :)

Nick said...

Jen, are you clipping coupons from the "P&G Saver?" If so, aren't you essentially stealing from the company you work for? If so, way to stick it to the man.

Jenn Johansson said...

Well done Jen, well done. I am happy to know your secrets... apparently I should subscribe to the Sunday paper. :D

Bates said...

I'm shocked and at the same time a little surprised that you, Jen Lilley, are worried about the 50 cents off of a can of creamed corn. On a normal week how much do you think you save on groceries? I cannot say anything bad about your scheme.
This reminds me of my bottle and can refund scheme I was running when I lived in OH and I was driving 6 hours with a trunk full of beer bottles and cans to NY to get 5-8 dollars in cash. Oh the free money was sweet, but a close call with a bike cop changed my criminal mind.

Jen Lilley said...

oooh WB. First of all....the 50 cents off creamed corn doubles to $1 off creamed corn..all coupons double up to a dollar.... (whether or not you buy said creamed corn) if you play your cards right you can save a healthy $15-20 a week on top of your kroger plus card savings...
just sayin...

Bates said...

the shopper club cards hardly ever save any money, but I am impressed by the confusion you create to cover your tracks. nicely done.

Mary Ann* said...

Jen,
I feel I am a respectable citizen for rescuing 2 dogs who would have otherwise been dropped off in the woods. How was I to know they would grow to 100 lbs each and collectively consume 30 dollars worth of food bi-weekly? Sometimes, I have that 18 lb. bag of dog food in my cart, and I am just trying to be NICE to my cashier by striking up friendly banter, and if that sparkling conversation distracts said cashier, and they forget to scan the dog food, is that MY fault? Clearly not.

P.S. If you have coupons for items you actually use, wait til the item is buy one get one free. Present the coupon, double it, and pay next to nothing for 2 of something you love!

Tracy L said...

I was in the car when that stupid bike cop pulled us over! I didn't know you were carrying contraband! I am an accomplist!